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Tracy Morgan Admits That He Contemplated Suicide After His Tragic Car Accident
When Tracy Morgan hosted Saturday Night Live last year, we all rejoiced. He appeared to have fully recovered from the car accident that we feared would take his life. Fast-forward 21 months and Tracy is now taking time to reflect publicly on his mental and physical state during that very difficult time via Rolling Stone…
In the wake of Morgan’s injuries, it felt like his worst fears were coming true. “I said, ‘If my funny ever went away, I’d die,'” he says on a Monday evening in his New Jersey home, a few days before the Michigan show. “And I thought I was going to die for a long time. My thoughts – I was in a very dark place. I was sitting right here, contemplating suicide. I couldn’t walk.” He’s in an easy chair facing a TV in his living room, near a cylindrical tank where his giant Pacific octopus lurks, waiting for its next meal of lobster.
Morgan insisted on leaving the hospital early and continuing his rehabilitation at home. “You go to hospitals to f***ing die,” he says. “If I got to go, I wanted to be in the house with my family.” For the first couple of weeks, he stayed in the second-floor bedroom, unable to navigate the stairs. “My wife heard all the screaming,” he says, calling Megan over from the kitchen, where she and her mother are playing with Maven, who is dressed head-to-toe in Disney gear. “She changed all the bedsheets when I s**t on myself. She knows.”
Personal injuries aside, it appears that part of what lead Tracy to that “dark place” was the death of his friend and mentor Jimmy Mack.
Morgan struggled with feelings of guilt, reminding himself that everyone in the car was there because of him. “Emotionally, it’s hard for me to deal with,” he says. “I asked everybody to be there that night. I have to live with that. But I had to forgive myself. I know Jimmy would want it like that.”
He cues up a song he’d play to soothe himself in his dark moments – which happens to be the smooth-jazz theme from Taxi – and begins to weep. “I remember the days,” he murmurs. “I remember them days. Jesus.”
Morgan has zero desire to recover his memories of that night. “The past is nothing but a forest filled with horrors,” he says, gravely. Because it is Tracy Morgan saying these words, I can’t help but laugh. He grins a little, and starts repeating the phrase, putting some spin on it, pushing it fully around the corner to comedy. “Nothing but a forest full of horrors,” he intones.
We’re beyond thrilled that Tracy did not choose to end his life. His unique brand of comedy is needed in these days when there are SO many things that can bring us down on a daily basis.
God bless Tracy Morgan and his family.
Image via Splash
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