Dear Bossip,
I met a guy, and we like each other. He’s recently divorced with two kids.
We both decided to have a casual relationship, and since I just got out of 7 year relationship.
My work schedule is very hectic and he travels a lot so I figured great we would never get on each other’s nerves, and when we do go out it will be great and sexy, just what I wanted.
Sounds simple right? Well, it’s not, and I’m coming to realize that. After months of talking and a few broken dates by me because of family and work, he planned a weekend in Laguna Beach (I like the beach). He got us a suite at one of my favorite places, Hotel Laguna, right on the beach. I went, we had lunch, we walked the beach, and his friend invited us to a dinner party and then dancing. It was great. We all got along great we had a blast. He and I finally had our intimate time just like we talked about too. It was great!!! We could not keep our hands off each other, it was awesome.
I get back home and we talked for the first night, then he told me he was sick. To be fair he was coming down with something on that Friday. I told him I was so sorry and tried to be there as much as I could. We don’t live in the same city. On day 2 he was less chatty, only to tell me he was feeling horrible. Again, I was sympathetic, but not more I could do. Then, I noticed when texted him I got no response. At first I was ok with it. He’s a lawyer, so I get it. Then, I got irritated and I told him I don’t appreciate his silence especially since I started getting sick, too. I told him being sick is no reason to stop communication. I told him I won’t accept that. He responded that he’s sorry and how he was going to call me later that night or the next day since it was his weekend with his kids. I said I look forward to speaking with you. He did not call me and I have not texted him. I am allowing him to be responsible and keep his word.
Is he blowing me off or am I being unreasonable? – Treat Me Right
Dear Ms. Treat Me Right,
I would have done the same thing he did. I would have apologized, and then told you I would call you later, or the next day, just to appease your a**, and then you would never hear from me AGAIN!
I don’t understand you folks. Seriously! How you start your letter by stating that you and he both agreed that you would have a casual relationship, but by the end of your letter you are demanding he call, text, and make commitments to you? The man was sick! Hell, who wants to talk on the phone, and be chatty and engage in long conversations when you’re not feeling well? And, he’s a lawyer, dealing with cases, courts, and judges. Then, he has to be daddy and be active for his kids who are visiting for the weekend. He probably wanted to get his rest and heal. Did you ever think that he was probably doped up on medication, and he was knocked out sleeping, and resting his body? Girl, pump your motherfreaking breaks! Ugh!
You just came out of a 7 year relationship, and he is a recent divorcee. Girl, what do you want from him? He is not about to jump into something serious anytime soon. He is out to have fun, and enjoy himself. And, you should be doing the same thing. That is why you both agreed it would be a casual relationship. Casual means there is no commitment or obligation. It’s enjoying the time together when you are together, and not feeling obligated to call, check in, and or text. You keep it casual, boo! You do dinner, hang out, go to the movies, the museum, the beach, or other activities, but, you do them sporadically, here and there. KEEP IT CASUAL!
Chile, you women, and some of you men, will immediately try to boo up somebody once you sleep with them. You want to make them your man, or woman, and start putting demands on them, and making a relationship after one date. LMBAO! Stop it! Stop that –ish today! I hope you folks will learn how to start dating again, or being in casual relationships, and really get to know the other person. That’s what dating and casual relationships are all about. Spending time with the other person, doing things, and not being too serious, but enjoying the times you have together. It’s not about setting up shop, or moving in, and asking, “Where is this going?” after the first or second week. The hell!
But, your a** caught feelings after he booked a reservation for a suite at your favorite hotel, and you met his friends, and then you spent the evening together having great and amazing sex. You were the one who made it something it was not. He was only treating you nice, and doing something special because that is what you like and enjoy, and he wanted to make it special and nice for you, and him. He didn’t say or tell you that he wanted to take your relationship to the next level. It was your first time together, and he did something nice. And, because you met his friends, and you women do this all the time, you feel like, “Oh, I just met his friends, and they like me. He must really like me if he introduced me to his friends.” Uhm, no! You misread it, and felt a certain type of way about it.
But, hold on, for months while you were talking and getting to know one another, you were the one who broke dates with him. Your busy and hectic schedule did not allow you time to hang out with him. And, this was perfect for you, according to you. You said, “My work schedule is very hectic and he travels a lot so I figured great we would never get on each other’s nerves, and when we do go out it will be great and sexy, just what I wanted.” So, why are you complaining that he didn’t call, or text you like he said he would, but got sick, and you knew he was sick?
Some of you women will stay losing.
This man went out of his way to plan a special day, and evening with and for you. And, you’ve dismissed it all by making him wrong for not calling or texting while he is sick. You felt it proper and obligatory to inform him that you didn’t appreciate his silence, despite him being sick, and you won’t take being ignored. Bwahahahahaha! Ma’am you are in a casual relationship, but making demands like you’re in a committed relationship. Girl, stop! Fix your wig and sit down somewhere.
I know why you’re really mad. You’re upset that you gave him the goodies on the first date, and because he’s not blowing up your phone, and trying to schedule date two, and three, or he didn’t send you flowers, or text you with lovey-dovey notes, you’re feeling like a cheap whore. I get it, boo. I’m reading what you’re not saying. Peep game, sweetie!
So, yes, you are and were being unreasonable. You forgot that you and he both agreed this was a casual relationship. This is why you need to take your time and date after just ending a 7 year relationship. You cannot make demands, or expect someone to call, or text you every day, all day, and check in with you if you are casually dating.
Pump your brakes, and take the next few months to cleanse, heal, and readjust your life to being single. You can’t expect someone to move as quickly, or do what you want them to do as fast you want them to. And, don’t sleep with someone on the first date, not unless you really and truly understand that it is casual, and there is no expectation afterward. There is no commitment, or obligation. Get into you, knowing you, what you want, and what you expect. If you say that you really want to date casually, then know what casual means. – Terrance Dean
Make sure to order my books
Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15);
Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and
Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click
HERE!